What have the Romans ever done for us?

Rare Roman parking tablets, left, and Upforanorgy, still looking for that perfect bone.

  

Excavations at the Ill Intent have resulted in extraordinary and groundbreaking finds that have excited Petersfield's incredibly popular archaeologist Claudia Upforanorgy.

She said: "If you recall, last week I predicted that there was a good chance that the Roman settlement that was here nearly two thousand years ago, reflected the current usage of the site. What we have found is astonishing.

"We didn't find teeth bleaching products that vain Romans might have used in an expensive dentist, nor did we find urns that would have contained ale and wine. If that sounds disappointing, what we found far surpassed those hopes and our wildest imagination. We found Roman parking tablets!"

These incredible artefacts have not been found anywhere in the world let alone at a British outpost.

The five parking tablets are in fantastic condition and clearly show an extortionate parking fine of one million Dinar.

"This really is like the Holy Grail," declared Upforanorgy. "Equally remarkable is the slightly less decipherable but still fairly clear small print on the back.

 You wouldn't want to fight this fine.

  

"So not only did the Romans give us straight roads and metalled surfaces, they also introduced the notion of unfeasibly high parking fines, with enforcement. This is a defining moment in Roman excavation.

"This has been such a fantastic weekend, surpassing my wildest dreams. The Time Team boys have been fantastic with some of the real men helping me out with a dig of my own. My legs are going weak again at the thought of it."

The landlord of the Ill Intent, Phil Harup was quick to offer his opinion.

"Lovely carpets," he said. "But boy can those Time Team buggers drink. Also that Claudia whatserface managed to break one of our beds. Idiot.”